Romance isn’t Porn.


This blog post was inspired by someone who is on my case saying that romance novels are porn. I know romance novels take the heat for this and it just gets under my skin since I write romance. No other genre takes this much heat for what the author writes. There’s a big difference between porn and romance.
*Porn degrades a woman as a person. For the most part, the man doesn’t care for the person; he’s just scratching an itch and same could go for the woman.
*It’s meant to get the reader turned on.
*If you took away the sex there would be nothing there…no character development, no plot…nothing at all.
* Romance novels don’t degrade woman. I’m sure there are some that do, but they are rare. There’s a story there to be told.
*They have external and internal conflicts that they have to overcome to get their ‘happily ever after.’
* If you take away any of the sex scenes there’s still a story there; it doesn’t affect it one bit. It can still hold its own.
It’s an author’s choice if there are going to be any sex scenes in the book at all. The same goes for if they’re open door or closed. Personally, I write open door ones and I’m not ashamed one bit about it. Everyone has sex and people need to stop being so uptight about it. Even those who write in the erotic genre of romance, it’s not just scenes with sex thrown in for the hell of it. It’s to help bring the hero and heroine along, it helps push the plot along. If it doesn’t then it sure as hell doesn’t need to be in the book.
Another thing…just because the author writes the stuff doesn’t mean she does that in real life. Like if an author writes about bondage, it doesn’t mean that she does it, or has ever done it. Romance novels are FICTION stories that the author makes up. Sure, something in her life might inspire the story, but it doesn’t mean all of it is from real life experiences.
My husband has no problem with me writing it. I think if he had anything to say about it, that since I switched to writing romance, things have gotten better between us. He has no problem helping with research.
Sure, a woman might get a tingle reading a really hot, emotional sex scene. At times it helps us connect with our emotions. Isn’t it better if instead of going somewhere else for love after reading that that she turns to her husband?
If you don’t like romance, that’s fine. Everyone has their own preferences, but don’t start attacking romance writers. It really won’t do any good; we won’t stop writing just because it bothers you. We write for those who like to read a good love story…about a couple overcoming odds, and finally in the end the hero gets the girl. Okay, I’m off my soapbox now.
For authors:
Do you take a lot of heat for what your write?
For readers:
What do you love about romance novels? What brings you back to reading them?
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9 comments on “Romance isn’t Porn.

  1. Donna says:

    Ally-For me, it's all about the love and the emotional pull for one another. Lots of men and even some women put up walls and it's great to read those walls tumbling down. Makes me still believe in happily ever after.As far as the porn goes, well-hubby calls them that, but only to mess with me. There is a humongous difference between porn and romance. Those that criticize are afraid to feel, I think. But that's my personal opinion. 🙂 Great blog!!

  2. Ally says:

    Donna- I so agree with all that you just said. I love to break down my hero and heroine. To watch them unravel around one another, as they try to fight their feelings for one another. My husband teases me with that too.You could be right on that about them being afraid to feel.

  3. Well said. I've seen porn, and some part of me can't help feeling sorry wondering if the starlet is just some sad little girl with a drug addiction or daddy issues or a person who couldn't see another way to get out of poverty, locked inside a womans body, just wanting to be loved and accepted and not knowing how to get that feeling and trying to find it through sex and admiration of men (even if it isn't exactly love, maybe it feeds a need for validation). I know that's not always the case, and I am sure there are a lot of healthy happy women in porn, but as a Mom I just shrivel up a little inside at the thought of that being someone's baby girl. There is none of that in even the most excplicit romance. No one is being exploited or hurt, it's words on a page and fantasy. Just my .02

  4. Ally says:

    I feel the same way Christine and my heart breaks for those women. I agree no one is being exploited in a romance book.

  5. Nas Dean says:

    Hi, I also come across a lot of "What are you reading? Romance!" then the sly looks! As if it was porn…

  6. I've never had anyone say what I write is porn, but they do act as if it's not real writing–as if anyone could do it. That's insulting. How much do you want to bet that the people who claim romance is porn have never read a romance from cover to cover? Too bad for them, they don't know what they're missing.

  7. Ally says:

    Nas~ I just brush it off some people are like that.Delaney~ Your lucky you've not come across it. Yes, I get people like that too. That's right romance books are great and they sure don't know what they're missing.

  8. I would just like to say that as a reader of all kinds of genres, I find as much literary value in romance, erotica, and written pornography as other kinds of literature. I don't understand the stigma and in my opinion, well-written emotional work whether it chooses to be graphic or not is still really difficult to pull off and I'm thankful to writers that have this ability.

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